You fucking with the WRONG one

So tonight I go out to a sports bar with my friend (the hoodrat one) and we kicking the shit, dranking $1.00 dranks (recession special....right up my alley) and a dude comes up and tries to talk to her, she plays him to the left, and everything is all good. She goes to the bathroom and here comes the dude again...all up in my personal space n shit...just a fucking hovering and whatnot.

"I came over here to talk to you but your homegirl was blocking" he says

"Mmm hmm" I say as I continue to look down at my phone

So then my homegirl comes back to the table...and this fucker says to me...

"Your girl wearing a wig? Tell her to take that shit off hahahaha."

I give him the fucking side eye of death and was about to tell him to leave...but before I could do so...my friend opens her mouth....

"Nigga you need not worry about shit going on at this here table, if you ain't buying no drinks, please keep it moving with them fake ass Nike's you got on"

I'm dying laughing...and she keeps going in...

"You can't even buy yourself a drink much less us! Get the fuck outta here with your old ass, button up shit buttoned all the way up, rolled over ass sneakers, no chain having ass! We only deal with real niggas with real money you understand? So kick muh fucking rocks!"

I'm crying at this point...and dude is STILL standing there trying to talk about her....

"You ain't got no money! No jewels! No rings! Cheap ass tongue ring? Fuck you got huh? huh?"

So at this point I intervene...

"You need to go...now...you have a good night"

He turns to me:

"Sweetheart don't let your friend talk you out of something you want."

I twist my neck around so fucking fast I nearly broke the bitch

"Uhhhh....like I said...you need to go, have a good night"

And he FINALLY left.

So then...my homegirl goes to sing karaoke...while doing so I'm sitting at our table laughing and tweeting n shit, I hear a dude to my left trying to get my attention...but he's doing it low enough that I can ignore him....so I do...he continued this display another 4 or 5 times....and I continued mine. So then my friend comes back to the table, we bullshit for a little bit longer then decide to bounce, I say bye to Milk's friends (oh yeah...his friend's were there lol. He said he didn't want to come and be cuffing me, so him stayed home) and walk out...whose standing outside? The same dude who kept trying to get my attention inside.

My immediate thought?

FUCK!

I quicken my pace.

"Aye, aye, scuse me." him says

I keep walking...

"Aye, aye, light skin! Let me holla at you a minute." him says

"I'm good. Have a good night." I say politely and keep it trucking to my car. I get in my car, while situating myself for the drive....ole boy comes to the car...standing on my passenger side (my friend is in her car on the other side of him...I crack my window.

"Yes?" I say politely

"Damn ma I can't get the window all the way down?" him ask

"No...you can't...what can I help you with?" I ask

"You ain't her type, you can keep it moving." my friend says

"Oh I'm not your type sweetheart? You can tell me, is what your friend say true? Cause I'm a real nigga, don't let the height fool you (5'7") I got a python in my pants."

"I just fucking told you nigga, you ain't her fucking type, kick rocks, I know what my friend like and doesn't like, we been friends for 15 years!"

"Alright, well you take it easy." him says and walks off....he gets about 10 feet from my car and says, "And since you got the baby seat in the back, I'm good. How about that hahaha."

Oh.....no....this....nigga....didn't.

I went in yall...

"Yo old 2 short ass looking hobbit ass bitch! You good nigga? I was good when you was trying to holla 50-11 times in the damn bar! You the one chasing me with your raggedy ass clothes, take a bath bitch! And take your ole yellow, gap teeth, bucky the muh fucking beaver ass to the damn dentist ho! Walk yo ass back in the bar with no number wit ya lame ass!"

Try to play me? I tried being nice and ladylike...several times over....and you wanna jump bad?

Didn't know who he was fucking with obviously