Real Housewives of Atlanta Episode 2

Okay, so Thursday night I fell asleep before I could watch Real Housewives *dodges tomatoes*

BUUUUUUT....I made up for it on Friday. I got a bottle of one of favorite wine

And pressed play on my DVR and settled in for this weeks trainwreck.

(First...can we discuss the picture at the top of the housewives? Hate Sheree's hair, alot of styles make her look mannish...that is one of them. Nene, Kim, and Lisa = FABULOUS though I'm not a fan of Lisa's eyebrows, I think they could be taken down a bit. And lastly...Kandi, ma'am, your overly arched (not to mention dyed) eyebrows, the cum slicked hair, the over anxious wide grin, not to mention the questionable bulge in your glitter hot pants make me side eye you VICIOUSLY....shame).

Okay, let's get to it!

Scene One is with Sheree and her friend Tania


Tania is beautiful! Why is she not a housewife? Thoughts on the restaurant choice...Rosa Mexicano, it seemed so...de'classy (I'm almost certain I spelled that wrong, but fuck it, yall know what I mean)...I mean it's right next to California Pizza. It's not as fabulous as I had envisioned ex wives of professional athletes to dine...but then again, I don't envision ex wives of professional athletes to get evicted either *shrugs shoulders*.

Ms. Sheree, "I mean, I wasn't scared, but the average person would have been scared." uhhhh, I know at least two drops of pee dropped out when he stood up cause you didn't know what was going to go down. It's cool! You can admit it! I know you got a strong jaw and you look like you can take a punch, but don't sit up here and act like you're She Woman or some shit. And as far as your party being small and intimate, well hell! It should have been that from jump!


Scene Two with Lisa and Ed

DAMN! EJ was headbutting the shit outta her! Toddlers got big ass heads (cause that's just how they grow) and I've taken a headbutt before, that shit is not cool! And he just kept on doing it! Can you not correct your kid? Please and thanks.

Scene Three with Nene
I love her hair...hate her makeup! I liked the fact that Nene tried to play peacemaker by hooking up everybody even though Kim wouldn't agree to it.

Scene Four with Kim


How does a hoe with no job get a personal fashion designer? Well shit, guess I answered my own question...being that hoing is the oldest profession. Kim can spend all that money on that bag (The Nancy Gonzales worth $3500.00 that was fucking fabulous by the way) and another $3000 on that belt (that I would have passed on) but your wig looks like that? PRIORITIES PEOPLE!!!! When she was trying on her dresses I noticed something else she should be purchasing...an ass! Cause she is so suffering from noassatall syndrome. The dresses were hot but too much boob was hanging out! I mean don't get me wrong it's nothing wrong with titty showing cause lawd knows I shows mine but bitch....you somebody momma! Cover them up a little bit more.

Scene Five with Kandi
How much better does she look without that damned blonde hair? Kandi reading blogs...if I was famous I couldn't do it, that shit would consume me! I'd have to respond. But when she said, "He has alot of businesses!" All I could think was: "Bitch so did Tony Montana!"

That don't make him any less of a drug dealer. Nobody had heard of the AJ character before you got involved with the show...and nobody has come out and said what the mutha fucker does! "And what hurts worse is them saying, 'she paid for her own ring'..." Uhhhh....stop lying to yourself and just cause you/he got a receipt doesn't mean that you didn't pay of it honey. You not fooling anybody.

Scene Six with Sheree

That's damn right Sheree! Get your shoot out on!


I love a good shooting season...GREAT stress reliever...I need to go do that soon. Again Tania, somebody give this woman a damn show! Former military woman turned professional athlete ex wife? I'd watch. Sheree! You are holding a loaded gun bitch! I know the first shot is scary but you can't be running with the mutha fucka like its a water gun!!!!! She could have killed somebody up in there! At the end I felt like Sheree walked off quite mannish, throw a hip twist in there man!

Scene Seven, Nene and Kim (I'm drunk by this point)

Nene! Put your tittays away! I see Kim is repeating a dress from last season...though the dress is cute...that is a fucking faux pas of major proportions for someone of your "caliber". Why was Kim so apprehensive? Apprehensiveness to me shows guilt. Eeeww at Nene and her orgasm sound effect whilst pouring her margarita, but LMAO at how quick they pushed all the differences to the wayside and were sitting in each others laps and carrying on.

"Like 2 flat tires...down!" -Nene (love it)

Scene Eight, Greg and Nene

I love Greg old ass. He's like 1320 years old so he don't care what anybody says about him.

"What does that sound like?" -Greg

"What?" -Nene

"You apologizing, I've never heard it before." -Greg

Loves it.

Scene Nine, Kandi

You are so worried about the gossip, so I know you've seen the comments on your damn hair...yet and still you still going to the same damned beautician who got your hair looking like month old hot baby shit? Oh girl no. With them straight 90's style 1/2 inch curling iron curls in your head....ugh to you. Sidenote: I've never seen a hairstylist that wears long sleeves when working unless it's mandatory...bitch probably had a fucking pool sized sweat stain after she was done working for the day.

Scene Ten, Lisa and Ed

BOOOOOOOORING....

Scene Eleven, Kandi

Her outfit was cute....shoe choice = questionable. Kandi and her momma's hair color is the same color as my old chow chow puppy I had back in like 89. Kandi...LISTEN TO YO MOMMA!!!!! Momma's never lead you astray (unless you got a crazy one like me). What did she mean when she said, "At least AJ tries to man up..." uhhh bitch huh? Fuck you mean "tries" to? Mutha sucka got 20389409803298 kids and he trying? No, he needs to be doing.

Scene Twelve, Sheree

Sheree looks so much softer when she's not all made up, she should go as easy as possible on her makeup.

Scene Thirteen, Lisa and Ed

Awwwwww, how caaaaaahuuuuuuuuute at all the work Ed did! When he walked by in the all white I said, "Damn! Ed got a big ole butt." but I should have remembered that from last season with him in the speedos. Then the tub scene....WHAT THA HELL? Are they nekkid? Turn the cameras off! I don't need this soft porn shit in my life!

Scene Fourteen, Kandi

Jazzy Phae looks like a chocolate covered stay puft marshmallow man from ghostbusters

I liked Kandi's song..."must be...good, good, good" I could see myself singing it....or at least trying...hell, I'll lip synch the FUCK outta it.

Scene Fifteen, Kim, Nene, and Sheree (the piece de resistance)

I don't like how the initially tried to skirt around the issue...get to the nitty gritty, stop trying to make light of the situation at hand...shit the show is only an hour. Kim, swearing on your kids? Not a good look boo! Daaaaaaaaaaaayum when Kim said Sheree was bouncing checks! And when she said that, the Sheree I like (the real one) came back in full effect!

And theeeeeeeeen............

FUCK YOU BRAVO FOR
THE TO BE CONTINUED

That was straight up bullshit!!!!!!!

That's my review...it was all over the place I know...