"He ain't shit...he don't do nothing for his son/daughter...I raise ____ all on my own...he don't give me no money, blah, blah, blah, blah"
Reality check bitch....YOU CHOSE HIM!!!!!!!
Niggas don't generally become ain't shit niggas because they knocked you up...they're signs from the beginning...it's up to YOU to either take heed or overlook them.
Now of course, everyone is different...some dudes do in fact do a complete 180 at the moment of conception...BUT that's a small amount. Nine times out of 10 that nigga was being a dick to you before you laid on your back and created a life with him. So what the french toast you expect him to do when you basically say...
"Hey Craig...I'm knocked up which means it's time for you to grow the fuck up and help me with this baby cause I didn't make it on my own...oh and best believe I'm running all up and through them pockets so all that lil fly shit you like to wear and trips you like to take is a done deal nigga."
Yeah...that's not how it normally comes out (though I'm sure it has before for someone) but that's what they hear. I mean how does that old saying go?
"Mommas baby...daddy's maybe"
When I got pregnant at 19 and decided that I was manning up and keeping the baby that was rapidly growing inside of me, I had a talk with myself and I said this baby is mine...it's responsibility, though should be split, falls entirely on me...that's the reality of the situation, and I came to terms with that before I told my son's father I was keeping this baby.
Luckily (I guess) he stood by me and does more than just pay child support. he's a father to his child...as it should be.
NOW...with that said...am I saying not to complain anymore? Am I saying you have no right to complain?
HELL NO!!!
Complaining is a part of life, it's rough for single mothers...I dig that.
But damn...just stop complaining all the time! Especially when the person in question was a no good nigga to start with.
A no good nigga (more often than not) makes a no good boyfriend/husband and most def a no good father.
Devote your time spent ranting to something more important because in the end who is really the one losing?
He is.
One never knows who a child will become, what they will achieve. Thank that worthless dude for possibly one of the best things he has or will ever do in his worthless ass life...giving you a beautiful baby whom you can teach to do better.
4 comments:
Couldn't have said it better.
True for the most part.
I have a 4 month old and like you, when I found out about her I know I was going to be the one taking care of her. That's just how it is. I didn't make her by myself, true, but who really gives a fuck about that part. A baby never meant the man was going to stay with you*shurg* A baby just means responsibility. On my blog I wrote a letter to my SD=Sperm Donor that I actually mailed to him. Thanked him for the role he played in creating my princess but basically laid out all the reasons hes wack as fuck.
He pretended to be a good dude until he knew a baby was on the way. Then the closer it came to her arrival, he flipped. Such is life and I know more times that not this happens to women. Yea we choose and we THINK we're making good choices but the acting skill from some men are SO GOOD there is no need to suspect it's all a game. *hands out OSCAR to my ex*
i agree. but it's not just left on the guys. i think a lot of times, when you aren't with the person you're sharing your child with it just makes it harder in general. of course you complain. of course you have disagreements and personal issues get mixed in the shuffle. but the most important thing is what you're doing for your child. what both of you are giving her/him together or individually.
i think as parents you should really realize that it isn't about you. it isn't about that other person. it's about giving your child the best life and experiences period. complaining and blaming someone else is not a good way to go about that. taking responsibility and doing what you gotta do to make that happen is the best gift you can give your child. like you said, it's their loss if they don't want to be part of their child's life. the child will probably be better off in the long run if their deadbeat parent stays the fuck away from them anyway.
I'm on the fence about this post. While I agree that most deadbeat fathers were deadbeat boyfriends as well the point of the matter is that a child was created.
"Luckily (I guess) he stood by me and does more than just pay child support. he's a father to his child...as it should be."
For me the key phrase in that is "as it should be"
I think if we (both men and women) stop taking sex and relations so casually then we'd at least have some sort of change or reduction of deadbeat dads and "its complicated" situations. The main emphasis should be on the child. I can most definitely understand why women would complain, however, if she is just simply complaining and not looking to change her situation then she needs to grow up fast because as you said, as a woman you will be someone's mother. When deciding what to do with a pregnancy, a women should factor in the idea that she may have to do it alone. It isn't fair, it's not right but its fact. So i get the complaints, i just hope they are handeling their business...and not complaining around the child.
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