Somebody help me

Those were my words this morning at...about 7am.

Now anybody that knows me on Sundays I sleeps LATE since it's the one morning I don't have my son and need to be up all early in the morning, so the fact that I was up that early spoke volumes to how I was feeling.

Let me back it up a moment and start from the beginning.

Friday: fell asleep on the floor...my son woke me up on Saturday and said, "Mommy, the heck are you doing on the floor?! You have a bed to sleep in ya know!" (love that little guy). Me and him do mom/kid stuff until 6 when his dad comes to get him. Then I start getting ready for this dinner my friend is having. She invited me earlier in the week and really I wasn't too keen on going because I figured I would be the only single one there and she is mucho bougie...I'm bougie a bit...yes...but she's like wine and cheese party bougie...anyway I show up to the party fashionable (a.k.a. 2 hours) late and start drinking before I even sit down...boy was that a mistake.

I have enclosed for yalls viewing pleasure...my drunken tweets (please also take note of the timestamps):

4 drinks in....discussing why BET is theDevil11:18 PM Jul 18th from UberTwitter

This nigga beside me is lisping lkr a bitch. BLOWONG ME!!!!!11:31 PM Jul 18th from UberTwitter

My misspelling is also blowing me11:33 PM Jul 18th from UberTwitter

Dear dude that keeps looking ar my ass...you'll never get to see it up close and personal. Tgankd for playing buh byeabout 24 hours ago from UberTwitter

Damn. Thanks* fuck it yall know what I meantabout 23 hours ago from UberTwitter

A lil twisted...made it home...fixing (yes fixing) to rub one or two or out and then off to bed (damn it took me a long time go type that)about 21 hours ago from UberTwitter

@CiaraChillin it did cause you @ repmidx quick as a bitch! Andydah. More ghan a lil twistedabout 21 hours ago from UberTwitter in reply to CiaraChillin

@CiaraChillin fuhhhhhh. You know what I meantabout 21 hours ago from UberTwitter in reply to CiaraChillin

Half a bottle of vanilla vodka + keypad entry doors = bullshit! Thank baby jesus of spellcheck on the BB...about 21 hours ago from UberTwitter

Okay. For re'al. Off to molest myself. I'd you got the number don't jit me before.noon tomorrow.about 21 hours ago from UberTwitter

And luck all yall sho got ship to zay about my typos. Goo drunk and l*zy to go back and edit. Good nigbgabout 21 hours ago from UberTwitter

For shame...

But the party...it was nice. I had a good time. Met some cool new people. A good way to spend my Saturday night. Talked to my friend who hosted it, she said all her guy friends thought I was gorgeous *blush* and hilarious (which I am lol) and how she wants to hook me up with one of her friends...I'm not too keen on the idea just because I'm not comfortable with the old "hook up" but...whatever *shrugs shoulders*

But, back to this morning...I woke up feeling like all the liquor I drank was in sloshing in my stomach...I got up and walked around the house a moment then tried to lay back down...felt worse. So I got back up...went downstairs and kneeled to the porceline god. Whenever I feel sick, if I smell toliet water, it makes me "call earl" and it did just the trick fortunatly (or unfortunatly...whichever way you want to look at it)

Pepto Bismal (caplets..not liquid) + Advil + room temperature water + ceramic floor in bathroom to lay on = cure to my hangoverabout 12 hours ago from web

Yes...I took a blanket and pillow into the bathroom and laid on the floor...not because I feared getting sick again...but because the floor was cold and felt damned good. I still don't feel 100% and really wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow (well...today)...but alas, such is life.

My son comes back today and one of the things he says to me (lol)

"My penis gets alot of excercise!" -him

"What do you mean baby?" -me

"My penis stretches and grows." -him

"Oh really now?" -me

"Yeah...especially when pretty girls are around." -him with big kool aid grin

Jesus be a vasectomy...

I get on FB briefly tonight....hadn't been on it that often as of late due to the fact that this dude keeps professing his love for me every....gat....dayum....night.

"I've had a crush on you since middle school..."

"You'll always be my top 10..."

UGH nigga! Grow up and move on...I've never entertained you and I being together and I never will!

So today...he sends me a FB message...with a link...nothing else...what's the link?



BITCH! Am I supposed to be flattered? Am I expected to swoon? Fuckouttahere! I didn't even respond to the shit. I promptly went offline on that ass.

Annnnd just for shits and giggles (yes..there's more lol)...I was looking at Sharee's blog (someone I follow on twitter) a few moments ago and saw this youtube video and the shit was too funny not to share...



That's all for now lovebugs...

Peace n blessings