Deep Thoughts with Epitome

So I was sitting at work earlier this week annnnnnd got to thinking...why is there an 's' in lisp...doesn't that seem cruel?

So then I googled unanswered questions....and this is what I came up with....I should have googled "high thoughts" cause I've had these thoughts while I was high...but anyway:

If a man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

If WalMart is lowering prices daily, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?

Why do they say new and improved? It can't be new if it was improved can it?

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?

If you choke a Smurf what color would it turn?

Isn't Big Kid and oxymoron?

When someone says "You know what they say..." Who are they?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you correctly?

How does the guy who runs the snowplow get to work in the morning?

If you're an atheist and swear on the bible, have you committed perjury?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Why are they called stands when they were made for sitting?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors

If you try to fail and succeed which have you done?

Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?

Why do other people hear our voices different than we do?

Why is it that when you tell a person that there are 400 billion stars in the sky and he'll believe you, tell him a bench is wet and he has to touch it?

What does the Q in Q-tip stand for?