Death of a Nice Guy

So today I ran across this article on http://www.sandrarose.com/

Ok, so I recently had a conversation with one of my homegirls, a girl who I was “talking to” but somehow I fell into the “just friends zone.” We talked about our past relationships. Never knew this conversation would cost me my life…


So she starts by telling me ’bout her past. She told me the story of how she was dealing with these two men (not at the same time), and how she had been dealin with the first guy, who didn’t own a car and was a broke student.

So I asked, ‘was that the problem?’ She said, “he told me he loved me.”

‘So, what’s wrong with that?’ I asked, confused like a hoodrat on campus. She explains, “he was really ‘into me’ and somewhat jealous.” So, why did he love you? She replied, “because I inspired him to be better”…. Okay? Still Confused. She said, “I felt like I was a mother to him, had to pick him up in my car etc.”

So when I asked about the other brotha (relationship), she explained she really liked the other guy, but the relationship quickly became about “blackberry booty calls.” He was fun and charming, but she cut it off when he invited her to the Hilton for what she thought was a romantic evening. Soon as the sex was over, my man got dressed and bounced like she was ’bout to ask him for child support.

So I’m like, at least you know now what he was all about. She responds, “he really hurt me, I was really feeling him.” So I ask about the the other guy who told her ‘I love you?’ She replied, “much more” than him. Wow, I just got schooled.

So basically, she rejected the guy who loved her because he didnt have a car and wanted a relationship (mabye too soon, in her defense). All the while the man who treated her like a hoe, she was more attracted to, “more compatible with.” So, if I’m reading this thing whole thing right: women prefer a man who is into himself, non emotional (tough guy), cocky but also charming and exciting. Do I have that right ladies?

And I had it wrong all these years, who knew? Time to go back to school. I called one of my boys (who has 3 baby mothers) and he explained that women are attracted to a man who is NOT into them, plays by his own rules, cancels dates, doesn’t fawn over them, so they are hoping to tame him in the long run. They like the challenge. (I start taking notes.)

I asked why I never knew this before? He answers, “no woman gonna claim they attracted to Mr Wrong.” He said, “when you’re nice and want a relationship, it’s no challenge. You’re too wimpy. They will start to see all your flaws and grow tired of you.” He hung up laughing: “thats why your a** aint gettin none, pu$$y boy!! We don’t love these hoes!!”

Wow, could this be the reason three women actually had babies for this fool? Was I too nice? Too considerate? Too available? Looking back on my dating history; I was always taking things slow, dinner dates, vacations, basketball games, sending “have a good day” text messages. Shoot, even introduced some women to my moms. All that was wrong?

I have to become the slick talking, date breaking, too busy to call, into me right now, Mr Playa to get ahead with women? So with that it saddens me to announce….

The funeral service for Mr Nice Black Man will be held at Malvern Baptiste Church 85 Millner Ave, Scarborough Sunday April 11 10:00am to 12:00 pm.

Mr Nice Black Man is survived by his family and friends.

A fund has been established by the departed’s family. Donations can be made payable to the “Estate of Mr Nice Black Guy.” A sad day for the Theo Huxtables of the world.

The NEW Mr. Playa will be making an appearance at a club near you: slick talking, good looking, charming, exciting, emotionally unavailable….. Personality, you ask? Not necessary because he’s good looking.

Character what for? He has nice teeth. Education? Not an issue: he drives a nice car and he is about his paper. Emotionally affectionate? Thats for wimps. He’ll give you thug love. Good family? You won’t care cause he’s from the States. How exciting!

Who needs happily ever after when there’s good eye candy?

Signed,

Mr Playa

Dear Mr. Playa,

It saddened me to read your letter today...there are already so few nice guys left and now another one has bitten the dust and quite frankly it broke my heart ever so slightly, there are real women such as myself who not only appreciate but also crave a nice guy. I remember days when I wanted a bad boy...I would accept nothing less. I can remember dating Derrick who was super cute, had a good job, his own place, and a nice car at a mere 20 years old and stopped calling him because after 3 nice dates I said:

"He's too nice for me...I need somebody who moves a little faster."

Oh what I wouldn't give to replay that short courtship now...I would certainly appreciate his manners so much more than I did at my 18 years. So yes, I too used to have an infatuation for bad boys...but I left that infatuation where I found it...in my youth. When I had my son and "grew up" so to speak things were put in perspective...what I wanted out of life became clear...I wanted the husband, the house with the picket fence, the 2.5 kids, and a dog. I didn't want the boyfriend, the apartment with the bars on the window, the 5 kids, only 2 of which are mine. I had an epiphany...I wanted the nice guy after all! And all these years later, I still hold out hope that he will eventually come to me. I know that I deserve that because I after all am a good and decent woman.

Long gone are the days of wanting to run the streets behind some worthless man who has nothing going for him except looks and charm...I need more than that...much more. It's not worth the heartache or pain it may bring all because he may be more aggressive and I think that's what I want. It took me so long to realize that niceness doesn't equal weakness. A man should be nice to a lady...a man should persue a lady, not the other way around.

Just like a lady can get down and handle things like a freak in the bedroom and a bitch if need be, a good guy can get down and be the bad guy you need him to be when deemed appropriate. Women understand this, girls do not.

Nice guy, I will keep my letter short, I feel as though I've expressed my grief over your untimely death...I regret that I will not be able to attend your funeral as my soul cannot bear the loss in person. Just know that you did have at least one fan.

Epitome