The Friendship Totem pole

A while back I did a blog about how women's friends can be grouped into categories (click right here in case you missed it)

Today a series of events occured that made me tweet my feelings...

Being a woman and having "friends" is so difficult. You only have like 2 real friends and the rest of them are just bitches you kick it with

Fellas. If a girl tells you she has 10 friends...she really has 1. Them other hoes just waiting to stab her ass in the back

"I got a gazillion friends" no bitch you got a gazillion confused haters. Only wanna hug you so they don't have to reach far to shank yo ass

Then a lightbulb went off in my head, not only can friends be grouped into categories...but there's also a totem pole to female friendships....a heirarchy if you will.

I intend to break it down for you here, for the fellas to know how it works, and for the ladies to recognize what type of "friends" they are and the type they keep.

1. The True Friend: Usually you've known her for years, and you can tell her any and everything, she will not judge, she may offer input or her view on the matter but her view of you will not change. If you told her: "Girl....I was in a donkey show in Mexico over Spring Break, don't tell nobody." She will reply: "....What? How did that happen? What made you do that? I couldn't do that...." And the conversation will be left between you two. You can ALWAYS count on your true friend to come through for you when you need her most...even when you need her least. This is the only real friend you have, the number of true friends in a group is small, a ratio of 1:5...yes ladies, if you have 5 friends, 4 of them are not really your true friend.
2. The Frenemy: She's 50/50, half the time she's your friend, half the time she's not. She's a flake, you can't count on her to do anything except say yes to something you deem as being your treat. She will kick it with you and act like you are the best thing since sliced bread and play the part of a "true friend" but a true friend she is not, the frenemy is to be monitored the closest, she won't be the quickest to stab you in the back but she will definetly stab you the deepest. If you told her: "Girl....I was in a donkey show in Mexico over Spring Break, don't tell nobody." She will reply: "....What? How did that happen? What made you do that? I couldn't do that...." and then turn around and tell Keisha, Tiffany, and whomever mentions your name that you are a nasty ass tramp. She won't come right out and say it because like I said she's 50/50, if someone were to mention your name after you told her about the donkey show incident she would just hit them with the side eye and say "hmph"...they will beg her to divulge what she meant by that, at first she will resist but don't get it twisted...she will eventually tell. This "friend" makes up the largest population of friends that women have. She's easy to spot in that if she bad mouths her other friends...she'll bad mouth you.
3. The Associate: You are cordial with this friend, you rarely talk except to get together plans of going out to do something, it's not uncommon that this friend doesn't even know where you live, she has your phone number (for text messaging purposes only...there are no phone calls unless one or the other is late) possibly an email, but contact with her is limited. You wouldn't even think of telling her about your donkey show escapade in Mexico because she could care less who she told, she doesn't have the slightest bit of interest in you outside of what directly affects her. This friend is easy to spot, never warm and friendly to any of your other friends and pretty much aloof in general.
4. The Girl You Know: Ever heard someone say "This girl I know" ....yeah, I'm talmbout her. She's akin to the associate except for she's a step below, basically she's a friend of a friend. You don't have any contact info for her because she's not your friend, but you know her just the same, if one of your friends invited her and you out, you would party and have a good time just the same. You don't really know her at all, but if someone questions you about her, you would still group her into the "my friends" category.

With that said....am I saying ALL women have these types of friendships? No! Of course not...but poll your friends, your coworkers, mothers, sisters, aunts, etc...I can almost bet most will not say that all of their friends are true blue friends. And ladies, examine yourselves...have you at all points of your life been a true blue friend to all of the people you say are your friends? I will be the first to say no I wasn't. In my younger days I was a ruthless bitch in general, and people I called my friends were talked about behind their backs constantly...but then you grow up, and that should change, unfortunately for alot of women, it doesn't.

Men don't have this problem because cattiness and back stabbing doesn't exist with men (generally) so they can't really understand the complex nature of women's "friendships"...to that all I can say is some things aren't meant to be understood. Men don't necessarily care about being the alpha male, if a guy can break bread with the alpha male, then they're good to go! Women cannot stand to be second best, if they see a HBIC, they want her spot and will rob, steal, and kill to get it. Case and point....look at how many males can get together and make music and everything is cool as long as everyone is eating....how many female groups stand the test of time? A bitch always wanna be up front.

I had a guy ask me, "If these girls act like this why do you call them your friend?" Can't explain that either, but if you look up the definition of friend there are several different meanings, complex on down to being a member of the same nation, race, etc....maybe that's why ***shrug***

Ladies, real recognize real, you don't have to stop being "friends" with everyone because they aren't a true friend, just recognize their character and treat them accordingly, they'll never know anyway because they're too busy plotting your demise.

I have friends in every category but I treat them all as if we are the best of friends, but inwardly I know how to play them (the ones that aren't my true friends that is) to my advantage, tell them what they need to know and nothing more. They think they're getting the whole story but really, it's only 1/4.