December 5, 2009

So December was a rough month for me...yall saw I took a little hiatus and whatnot and I am just getting back into the swing of things. Didn't know if I was going to really go over what exactly went down...but reading through some of the blogs I follow I saw that a few people were doing the stripped naked challenge in which you bare your soul (so to speak) so I felt inspired...so here we go....

First I'll start with that Friday night/Saturday morning. I went out with my friends to a club I've been to many times before...had a grand ole time...parked in an unfamiliar place and made a stupid move...left an empty purse in the car under the passenger side seat because I was too lazy to simply open the trunk and put it in there. I came back out to this....

Someone had broken into my car and stolen said empty purse...sucks to be me but alas it was my fault. Spent 150.00 to get it fixed which sucked major balls seeing as though it was close to Christmas not to mention my unemployment isn't all that much to begin with....you live you learn I guess.

Saturday the 5th was a day that FOREVER changed my life...here's where it gets deep.

If you've read my blog in the past you already know my mother and I don't have the best relationship by far. Well 25 years of our mother daughter relationship or lack there of finally came to a head that day.

I woke up...told her the dealio about my car...she called me an idiot...and meant it...nothing new there. So I'm on the phone with Sunshinestar and I tell her:

"Me and my mom gonna get into it today."

"Why you say that?" She asks.

"I just feel it, I can tell." I reply

I put my son in the shower to get him ready for his father to come get him...still on the phone..my son starts playing around so I tell him to come on and stop playing...my mother starts screaming at the top of her lungs "GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE" I get off the phone...she's still yelling, I'm washing my son up and just shaking my head at her she comes up to the bathroom door and is still yelling

"You need to stop talking back!"

I continue what I'm doing and just shake my head because the shit is beyond sad to me, I've dealt with this my whole life so I've found it's easier to just be quiet until she finishes her rant. She keeps yelling, telling me to stop talking back, then proceeds to curse...in front of my son. I ask her (calmly) not to do that...she continues.

"You need to stop fucking talking back bitch!"

At this point I'm tired of hearing her and her shit,

"I'm not talking back." I say

"Whatchu say?!" She yells

"I didn't say nothing to you." I say matter-of-factly

She goes into the hallway and grabs a Christmas decoration (you know those things you stick in the ground, looks like a peice of a picket fence) she comes into the bathroom (still in front of my son) and points it at my face (I can feel myself getting angry as I type this) and says..

"This is my fucking house, you need to learn to fucking respect me"

I kinda sneer at her and move my eyes towards the pointed stick she has pointing directly at my face.

"You need to get that outta my face." I say calmly.

She said something back...what exactly it was I can't remember, but she takes the stick and points it closer to my face, so close that if I stuck my tongue out I could probably lick it...what do I do?

"I told you to get that outta my face." I say and push it away...before I could put my arm back down she grabs the right side of my face and digs her nails into my skin and grabs my hair...again...in front of my son.

As I told my son after, if someone attacks you...it is your job to protect the one thing you can not live without...your body...so mother or not, we had to rumble. (Soooo is it weird that she just butt dialed me while I'm typing this?????? I started shaking)

So she has my face and it's burning from her digging her nails into my skin...I push her back into the corner of the bathroom and start to punch her...in her face at first...then she held her head down so I start punching her on the top of her head...she still hasn't let go of my face or hair, I hear my son screaming behind me as he watches all of this take place...I lean back (because she has my hair) and start kicking her still punching her...finally my dad comes up stairs, gets in the bathroom and drags her out by her neck.

"I'm glad you finally hit me bitch now you can get the fuck out." she says

At this point alot of hurtful things are said...mostly on my part. Years of hurt and emotional abuse just came to a head...

• I brought up her past infidelities...that my father didn't know about.
• She told me I was a shitty mother...I told her I learned from the best.
• She told me she wished I was never born...I told her ditto so I wouldn't have to deal with her ass.
• I told her she was going to lose a major lawsuit she had that equaled a big pay day for her...3 deays later she did.
• I called her a crackhead...and flushed some of the weed she dropped while we were fighting down the toliet.
• Told her she would never see my son again and as far as I was concerned I no longer had a mother and he no longer a grandmother.
• She said "You think you so cute, how cute are you with that scratch on your face, good luck finding a job now bitch."

Looking back I'm glad I said what I said to her because she has tormented me (as well as others inside our family and out) for as long as I can remember and I felt like in that instance I spoke for all of those people who couldn't/wouldn't stand up to her, in the same moment I'm upset with myself that it happened in front of my son. Even after I saw my face I still went after her and threatned to kick her ass again...that wasn't right, wether she wronged me or not.

I packed my stuff and my son's and left that day, went and stayed with the baby daddy for two weeks until my father called me and said that she in fact had moved out...I got my things together and have been back home since.

Have I talked to her? Nope. I sent her an email on Christmas apologizing for my disrespect of her and wishing her a merry christmas. Was it long? Nope. Did I expect a response? Nope. Did I want one? Nope. I did that because it was the right thing to do...so I did it. My son has seen her once a week since we've been back home, he loves her and doesn't understand what happened so no need to keep him away from her. Do I ever plan on having a relationship with her again? Nope...not until she gets some help at least. Of course she sees all of this as my fault, she told my brother she was scared of me because she had never seen me like that. All of my friends I told that know about her weren't surprised that she attacked me, they were more surprised that I actually did something back. My son will probably never forget that, and at 6 years old it's hard to explain what happened to him on a level he can understand without bashing her (which I don't want to do even though she was most definetly in the wrong), there have been alot of lengthy discussions on the matter between he and I, his father, my father, and my brother. He hasn't mentioned it in awhile but I'm sure ever so often questions will arise, I'll just have to field them the best way I know how. My face is healed...the big scratch is still there, probably will be remininents forever, who knows...you can barely see it unless I'm under overhead lighting...but whatever, that's minor.

Now with all that said....why did I tell all of you (essentially) strangers about something like this?

You never know who may find help in something that has occured in your life. I've come to terms with what has happened and maybe somebody will come across this and find something that they need in their life.

Peace n blessings.