Cover thy Tracks

This whole Tiger thing....woooboy...who does he think he's fooling? As a celebrity one should know (and if you're a dumb celebrity then your PR people should know) that if you cheating...TMZ is gonna find out. They may not necessarily have the smoking gun proof (a la that infamous picture of Rihanna) but they'll find out...and if TMZ finds out, trust and believe there is a person that has seen the cheating taking place first hand and will sell you out for a bag of nickles and a Starbucks coffee...maybe even less just to have their 15 seconds (yes seconds) of fame.

MISTAKE NUMERO UNO: fucking an ole regular girl

Have we learned nothing from the tabloids? Regular girls run they FUCKING MOWFS!

"A high powered celebrity with long bread is interested in lil ole G.E.D. having me?!?! I can't WAIT to tell my friends."

Mmmhmm, that's exactly what a regular girl thinks...now what Tiger SHOULD have done was get a SMART regular girl, the only way he would know if she was a smart regular girl was to feel her out, that would take some serious conversation which is why he should have snagged the jump off early on in the function she was at...how much you wanna bet she was a last call type o bitch. Even better is to cheat with a celebrity, they have just as much to lose as you do, that way discretion is of the utmost priority to both parties.

MISTAKE NUMERO DOS: fucking an ole reality TV chick

Duh nigga duh!!!!! Heffa went on a reality show and aired her dirty laundry about her and her man...she didn't even go on an established reality show like the Real World...she went on the first season of Tool Academy, that just goes to show you that this broad was dumb and not an eligible candidate for a jumpoff. If one wants to have a successful “relationship” (if you will) with a jumpoff you can’t elect some ole stupid broad. Being covert takes time and energy…and SMARTS.

MISTAKE NUMERO TRES: admitting guilt

Tsk, tsk, tsk Tiger!!!!! Rule number one (with anything that you do that could prove to harm your character)…never admit shit! Whitney was a known crackhead…KNOWN! And what did she say when asked about it? “Show me the receipts!” Now everybody know ain’t no drug dealer handing out receipts for crack, we all knew Whitney was bat shit crazy, but even in her drug induced haze she remembered the cardinal rule…”if the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit!” and if there is no glove…even better. This fool Tiger left his name on a voicemail to the jumpoff.

1. Never leave voicemails! Everyone has caller ID, it comes standard with cell phones these days, voicemails are unnecessary, the person will know that you called.
2. Never ever, ever, EVER leave your name on a voicemail, that's a damn receipt! It's proof! And it can be played over, and over, and over again! Use common sense, geez.
3. If you hadn't of made the mistake of fucking with a dumb chick you wouldn't have had to call and tell her to take her name off her voicemail because she wouldn't have had it on there in the first place.
4. You were dumb for saving her name in your phone, everybody knows you save it under a name that is the same sex as you are! Jaime becomes James...Ashley becomes Alex...Keisha becomes Keith, that way if your significant other does look through your phone no eyebrows are raised because if she's going through your phone she's not going to have enough time to call every number.

And since he was stupid enough to make those mistakes I know he wasn't remembering another important rule....

    5.  DELETE, DELETE, DELETE! Read a text message, respond, delete both...place a call, receive a

         call...delete both. Or if you wanna be real slick with it...have a call here and there, a text scattered

         about, that way it looks believable.

*Some people put a lock on their phones...I don't suggest that, it looks suspicious...leave it open, if you've done your job correctly then they'll find nothing.

Hmm...looking back over this blog, I see I've written a basic how-to to cheating...oops? That wasn't my intention. And for the record...I have NEVER cheated on anyone...EVER, I personally don't believe in cheating...but the reality of the situation is that people cheat, it's biologically embedded to spread ones seed to procreate and populate the Earth...I'm just saying if you're gonna do it, do it right. Obviously if you cheating on your mate you want to keep them around right?